Love and Loss

 Have you ever sat down and thought about what it is you love about someone? What little pieces of them make them unique and special to you. The little things that when added up equal that person.  Today I was sitting in Aldens office, in my chair just behind his computer chair. A spot the cat would often sit. I haven't had the strength or desire to change a thing in that space. The only difference is that a photo of him now sits where is monitor was. The rest is unchanged. His socks still sit on the chair. A shirt I had looked everywhere for is sitting beside his desk. There are noted and paperwork scattered across the surface of the desk. The desk that he and I peace together during a time when ikea desks were hard to come by. We made 3 of them. Nice long desks.  As I sit here I see so many parts of him. So many little things that I realize I will never hear or see again in this life. The socks, for example. I have so many sock stories. He and I used to joke that wearin...

Dear Alden,  Gosh, not a silent moment goes by that I don't miss you. Wish you were here. Want to hear you, see you, touch you, feel you... I was watching TV tonight and think about the comfort boob. It made me smile for a moment before it made me sad. I'll never have my book held and called a comfort book again. That lead my mind to remember you, and how much you loved my books. You thought they were perfect. I remember you taking a nipple in your mouth and sucking it, stopping to smile with your eyes and look at me. Only for a moment, then back to it. Gosh I loved that. I loved how you touched me. I teased you about your talented fingers. Even gave them an award. I miss being touched. Being wanted like that.  I will always remember that morning...the first morning we were back in Seattle after our honeymoon. You had to get up for work. But your alarm went off and instead you sat up and started to have sex with me. You had such a grin on your face as you were having your way ...

  Dear Alden,  I came down to Morton today. I wanted to water the plants and to plant some wildflowers. I let another person come and get firewood. I told you I could get that big pile to be gone. It's not gone yet, but I'm working on it.  The ac unit is leaking in the house again. I can't find a receipt from when you got it fixed the first time, so I'll have to pay someone else to come look at it. I had a bunch of the property cleared and mowed. There were a ton of baby alders growing right next to the house. Those are gone now. I also had the blackberries taken out between the trees lining the driveway. It looks so much better...we should have done that a long time ago. I need to find a permanent solution so they don't grow back though. I also redecorated our bedroom. I actually really love it. It's forest themed. It feels so much more warm and cozy now. I just need sheers and window shades. I think you would have loved it too. I plan to make my office here in...