Love and Loss

Dear Alden-  I joined a couple of widow and widower groups on Facebook. They actually help me feel more "normal." reading what everyone says and even validated sometimes when I post. I know you know how I like to define what it is normal. You'd tease me about that and say there is no normal. But I still always wanted to know. And it helps.  Anyway, so one of the members suggested writing down memories of you. She said that I would appreciate it if I did that down the road. So I'm going to start that now. I'm sure I'll be adding to it as I go.  -I remember the time you stopped by my dad's shop to buy something. I was gaming with my aunt and uncle and mom in the gamering room. You just popped your head in and said "hi". I remember stopping and looking at you to say "hi" back. I didn't really think much about it. You said I looked at you and smiled. You told me much later that my smile that day was why you wanted to start seeing more o...

 Dear Alden-  Your work came and picked up your computer and everything today. I knew it would be hard for me to see it gone, but it was more than I expected. I tried very hard to not cry in front of the courier...but a few tears came out. He was nothing but kind. He even offered to go to the dump for me if I needed it. Very kind. We had to look through your drawers for the keyboard and headset. Found the keyboard, but not the headset. He said it wasn't a big deal.  I'm sure you're wondering why it was so hard to see your work computer go. I remember when it arrived. You were so excited. You loved how big that monitor was. You took photos of it and called everyone about it. I remember you setting the whole thing up, and being so hopeful for the future of this new job. You just knew it was going to be a good change. You were right. It really was. They have been nothing short of amazing during this whole process.  But it still hurts to see that part of you leave. I was...

Dear Alden,  Today was hard. For so many reasons today was hard.  I start my day by going over to the house. I haven't been able to spend the night there yet. I finally was able to sleep in my own room last night, though, So that was progress. When I got to the house I decided to look at some of your photos so I could have more ideas for your instagram. (BTW, did you know I started an instagram for you? You never would have done that, but I told you that you'd need one if you wanted to be a legit photographer.) and I found some photos and videos of you. The you that I fell in love with. I was enjoying going through the photos. It felt like I was seeing the world through your eyes. Wondering why you took photos of a particular thing or enjoying how you framed certain shots. I was wishing you were there with me though, to tell me all of the stories for each photo. You were always great at explaining things to me. Then I found the videos. I was excited, to be honest. I have been ...

 March 22, 2022. Man, I wish I had known that date many years ago. Seems like a normal date. Middle of the week (a Tuesday), we had dinner plans for the next Saturday that we were looking forward to. Meetings, plans, nothing new. Just a normal day in a normal week. Until my whole life changed very early in the morning.  March 19, 2022. Life was normal. Alden and I are remodeling our bathroom. A passion project for me. We had wanted to do a nice change for quite some time. We chatted about it last year and waited until this year before moving forward. Alden had added some things to the plan and made it that much better. We drew it out on paint. Planned everything. Played with photoshop, got lots of opinions, and even marked everything out on the floor of the bathroom. So on this day (Saturday) Alden and I went out tile shopping in his smart car. We slept in, he more than me (as is normal). I drug him out of bed and out tile shopping in Tacoma. He hated Tacoma, but I told him hi...