beginning

Hi. 

I suppose I should start by introducing myself. It's hard to imagine what is to follow without some sort of description of who's perspective you're reading from. 

My name is Alicia. 

It's pronounced ah-lee-sha.

I actually really love my name. My mom had heard it many years before she had me. It has always been very me. And although lots of people say it wrong or spell it wrong, it's my name and I love it. 

The next thing you should know about me is that I have freckles. Lots of them. My arms, face...whole body is covered in them. I also have brown hair with natural red highlights. 

My eyes are what I have been told are quite unique - brown with green mixed in. Hazel by definition. 

The rest of me is quite average. Nothing overly special. Maybe a bit over weight.

I easily melt into any crowd. If you were to pass me on the street, there would be nothing about me to make you take notice. 

It's been a personal joke of mine that I could walk around with a bag over my head and no one would even notice. 

I once had a teacher who had me for 3 years in a row...and in the 3rd year she asked me if it was my first time in her class. 

See, easily someone to look past. 

I do want to tell you that I have been told I am pretty. From the time I was a child I was the "pretty little girl." 

I am not someone you would call beautiful. 

Please, dear reader, don't read that and think that I think poorly of myself. As I said, I think I'm pretty in my own right. 

But beautiful is in a league of its own. 

Beautiful is a sunrise that captures unique colors. 

Beautiful is a diamond ring that your best friend just got from the love of her life. 

Beautiful is my youngest sister.

I would joke that she got the looks in the family. She's tall. She hasn't ever had to worry about her weight. And she has perfect hair. 

People always tell her that she's beautiful. 

I've always been ok knowing that I was simply pretty. 

I grew up thinking my freckles weren't bad either. My mom had them. My youngest sister did too...although not nearly as many as me. But once I got into school I learned that they were unique. And as anyone knows, unique things to a child are things that can be teased about. 

And I was teased relentlessly about my freckles. 

These are all things that are important to know about me. You have to really understand them in order to fully appriciate what was to come later. 

I spent a lot of time, as a child and in my youth, figuring out who I was. Finding my voice and finding how I fit into the world. 

There was a song that was popular when I was in high school. It was called "sunscreen." It's a lot of advice for a graduating class. It recommended living in a city, but not enough so it made you hard. Living in the countryside but not enough to make you soft. I had added living in a foreign country but only long enough to appreciate my home. 

And I did that. I lived in Salt Lake City- right down town. I lived in Laie, very much a country side. I lived in Japan. And those experiences shaped me. 

As interesting as my travels were, my romantic life was boring. I didn't date in high-school. Not because I didn't want to. I just was very shy and unsure of myself around boys. 

Around all boys except one - my neighbor. 

Alden. 

Alden lived kitty corner to me from age 10 up. 

We were in the same class in 5th and 6th grade. 

He was the one who would come over and play with squirt guns with me on the road in the summer. He would throw pinecones at me in the fall, and snowballs in the winter. 

He would join in teasing me at school. And he dated most of my friends. 

I never really wanted much to do with him. He was fun to play outside with, but that was it. 

He had more to do with my dad- whom Alden considered a mentor- and my younger brother, than he did with me. 

He was like a background character in my world. 

Someone who was there, but not one I paid much attention to. 

Which is why I wasn't shy with him. Or awkward. 

When I saw him I would think "it is just Alden."

We were in band together and because I played drums and he played trombone, he sat right in front of me. He would empty is spit valve out right onto the floor...something that I can still see vividly in my mind. 

Alden was tall. Dark hair and naturally tan skin. He was athletic for a time - playing soccer in middle school. 

He had this laugh...a laugh that seemed to fill a room. It was full and his grin would always reach his eyes. Something I didn't notice until much later in life. 

He was naturally popular with girls. Like I said, he dated a lot of my friends. 

And he was the first person to actually ask me out on a date.