Loss

 When someone you love passes away suddenly and unexpectedly, it's an odd feeling. Perhaps one even shared by those who lost someone to a long illness or knew the passing was forthcoming. I can only speak to the former.

The feeling I refer to is their gone-ness. You look around and their things, the space they occupied. Their room, perhaps. You look at their decorations on the wall (or lack thereof), where they slept, their shoes, their clothes. It's like they could just walk into a room and resume their life. But it is like they were erased. Their existence is no longer on this plain. And you know...you know it is just stuff. You know they are not their things. You know they were so much more than that half-eaten sandwich in the fridge or the unfinished project in the garage. But this is exactly why it is so hard to part with their belongings. You are thrust into this place...this odd existence where they aren't coming home. They aren't going to walk back into the room to give you a hug or resume life as normal. They were just there and then suddenly they are not. And...and that's why some cling to things. They cling to what they feel is all they have left of this person...this human that meant so much to them.

Some, like myself, struggle to part with items that belonged to their person. Each item seems like a part of them. Another piece of their existence being erased...gone from where it belongs.

Now, some would hear or read this and think it isn't normal to put so much value on things. Or pass along some platitude about being "more than their stuff" or that they "are with you, no matter if you keep everything or not." But try, for just a moment, to think about someone in your own life. Someone who lives with you. Who you see every day. When they are gone from home one day just stand in their space. Look around you. Imagine, as hard as it may be, that they aren't coming home. That all you are left with is what you see. Now try and factor in time. And how in time your memories soften, as they always do. The clarity of them swiftly passes into the fog of time. It's hard, I know, to try and put yourself in that space. But trust me when I say you will cling to anything, at least at first, that can bring back a memory. And each memory is ever so precious.

This is also why some, who have experienced loss, choose to move. For some, the memories are too painful. It's too hard to have those reminders of who we lost. It's also why some keep rooms or things unchanged. Some things are just too hard to part with.

Everyone is different. There is no right way to process loss.

But the feelings are all the same. The immense feeling of wrongness with the world.