Weekend

 Dear Alden, 


A friend of ours has been texting me on and off, just checking on me and seeing how my life is going. She's been away, helping her mom several states away. She's been away from her home and her husband for several months. No visits. We were saying that she sort of knows what I'm going through, as she really misses her husband. But at least they can talk. 

As She's telling me this she says he was going to send her a care package and she just opened the door and he was standing there. She was understandably overjoyed. 

I felt a small pang of jealousy. 

Gosh what I'd give for a suprise weekend with you. 

But that got me thinking...what would that be like? If you showed up at our door, as a surprise. 

Well, I know for one I'd be a mess of tears. But after you picked me up, comforted me as you always did, and helped me know that we got a weekend together...I know how I'd want to spend it. 

I'd want to show you everything I've done. All the changes. Have you see the bathroom. Hear your thoughts on things. See you smile about some things. Hold me a little tighter when you see some of the signs of how much I miss you...that are still present in the house. I know you'd want to apologize for leaving me....

I'd want to hear your laugh again. Your real genuine laugh. I'd show you the cards I got for you, the silly ones. I'd take your hand and never let it leave my own. 

But after showing you everything...I'd just want to spend hours in your arms. Wrapped in them. Reminding myself how that feels. Have you say silly things in my ear because you thought it was fun to make me laugh. I'd want to laugh again, myself. A real laugh. 

We would talk about star trek, and what all has happened on that show. Id catch you up on all the things youve missed seeing. 

Then I'd spend the night cuddled so close to you, feeling the warmth if you next to me...

We'd spend one day in Morton. You'd want that. I'd show you what I've done there. You'd love some of it, I know. We'd spend time on our cuddle couch, just enjoying the view outside. We'd walk the property together, and just enjoy the peacefulness there. 

But knowing that when the sun came up that you'd go again...that would be hard. I'd never want you to go. But at least this time We'd get to say goodbye. Remind eachother that one day we will be together forever. You'd dry my tears and tell me you love me. You hated it when I cried. I'd bury my face in your chest, and wrap my arms around you and just try to imprint your smell...your feel...your whole being...into my memory. 

It would be so hard to let you leave again...but what I wouldn't give for the chance...

I love you Alden. I hope our friend enjoys this special gift of time with her husband she misses. I should have appriciated every moment more. 

I know I cannot have you for a weekend...so I'll have to make due with just imagining you here...and speaking my love for you to the silence of the empty rooms of our home. 

I miss you, my husband. With every breath I take. And I know that when our joyous reunion does happen, in its due time, that it will not be overshadowed by an impending goodbye. 


Until next time,

Alicia 

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